ratio of positive interactions

Glossary 497

5-to-1 Ratio A fi ve-to-one ratio of positive interactions to negative interactions is vital to a happy relationship. 80-20 Principle 20 percent of what we do yields 80 percent of the results; and conversely 80 percent of what we do yields 20 percent of the results. Accommodating Strategy A lose-win strategy where individuals attempt to resolve the confl ict by passively giving in to the other party. Acting A process of clarifying values, whereby an individual follows a pattern of taking action on a chosen value. Active Listening Seeing the expressed idea or problem from the speaker’s point of view. Advising Response Responding to others by off ering a solution. Agreeableness One of the “big fi ve” dimensions of personality: ranges from good-natured, cooperative, trusting at one end to irritable, suspicious, uncooperative at the other. Aggression Any behavior that is intended to hurt someone, either verbally or physically. Aggressive Moving against another with an intent to hurt. Alarm Stage Th e stage where the body recognizes the stressor and prepares for fi ght or fl ight, which is done by a release of hormones from the endocrine glands. Anger Th e feeling of extreme displeasure, usually brought about by interference with our needs or desires. Annoyance A mild form of anger. Anxiety An unpleasant, threatening feeling that something bad is about to happen; the basis of the fear is not generally understood. Assertiveness Response to confl icting situations that involves standing up for yourself, expressing your true feelings, and not letting others take advantage of you; however, assertiveness involves being considerate of others’ feelings. Assume or Assumptions in Communication To accept as fact without any evidence of proof.

Attentive Listening One of the four levels of normal listening; paying attention and focusing energy on the words that are being said. Attitudes Positive or negative orientations toward a certain target. Attribution Error Th e tendency to overempha- size internal explanations of other people’s behavior. Attribution Theory An explanation that suggests we frequently overestimate the infl uence of an individual’s personality and underestimate the impact of his or her situation. Autonomy vs. Doubt Erikson’s psychosocial crisis at the second stage of the human life cycle; the two- and three-year-old develops independence and self-reliance in proportion to positive parental encouragement and consistency of discipline. Avoidance Response to confl icting situations that involves being passive and removing yourself from the confl ict. Avoiding Strategy A lose-lose strategy where individuals attempt to passively ignore the confl ict rather than resolve it. Basic Law of Life For everything you get in life, you also have to give up something. Behavioral Contract An agreement (commit- ment) made to change your behavior. Belief Th e acceptance of some thought, supposi- tion, or idea. Blended Families A family system consisting of stepchildren and stepparents. Blind Self of Johari Window Information about you of which you are unaware but is easily apparent to others. Broken-Record Technique Calmly repeating your assertive message without getting sidetracked by irrelevant issues. Categorizing Placing people into groups—by race, sex, physical attractiveness, height, etc. Catharsis An emotional release through talking. Chair of Life An analogy, representing four valuable parts of life. Th e “chair” (our life) can either be in balance or out of balance, based on the amount of time we devote to each of these important parts of life.

Glossary Glossary

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Character Composed of personal standards of behavior, including honesty, integrity, and moral strength. Character Ethic A style of living based on principles and values rather than on techniques. Character Trait An enduring characteristic of a person that is related to moral and ethical behavior and shows up consistently. Choosing Freely Consciously and deliberately making a value choice without any pressure from signifi cant others. Classical Conditioning A type of learning in which a neutral acquires the capacity to evoke a response that was originally evoked by another stimulus. Closed Questions Questions that oft en result in yes, no, or a very short response. Codependent A dependency on people—on their moods, behavior, sickness, well-being, and their love. Cognitive Dissonance A concept (theory) that accounts for reactions to inconsistencies in attitudes and beliefs. Cognitive Restructuring Th e process of modifying thoughts, ideas, and beliefs. Cognitive Theory Our mental processes turn our sensations and perceptions into organized impressions of reality. Cohabitation A situation in which couples live together outside of marriage. Collaborating Strategy A win-win strategy where parties attempt to jointly resolve the confl ict with the best solution agreeable to all parties. Collaborative Problem Solving Th e win-win approach to confl ict resolution whereby confl icts are resolved with no one winning and no one losing. Both win because the solution must be acceptable to both. Collectivism Putting group goals ahead of personal goals and defi ning one’s identity in terms of the groups to which one belongs. Commitment A joint decision to begin a relatively long-lasting, more intimate relationship that to some extent excludes other close intimate relationships. Communication Th e process of conveying feelings, attitudes, facts, beliefs, and ideas between individuals, either verbally or nonverbally, and being understood in the way intended. Communication Barriers Th ings that stop, block, prevent, or hinder the communication process.

Communication Channels Th e medium through which a message passes from sender to receiver. Communication Process A process involving three parts: 1) a sender of the message, 2) a receiver of the message, and 3) the content of the message. Companionate Love Commitment and intimacy, but no passion. Compensation Th is involves eff orts to overcome imagined or real inferiorities by developing one’s abilities. Competing/Forcing Strategy A win-lose strategy where an individual uses aggressive behavior to satisfy one’s own needs at the expense of the another person. Complementary Needs One person’s strengths compensate for the others weaknesses. Compromising Strategy A lose-lose strategy with attempts to resolve the confl ict through assertive give-and-take concessions or cooperation. Conditioned Response (CR) A learned reaction to a conditioned stimulus that occurs because of previous conditioning. Conditioned Stimulus (CS) A previously neutral stimulus that has, through conditioning, acquired the capacity to evoke a conditioned response. Confi dant A signifi cantly close personal friend with whom one can safely share one’s deepest concerns and joys. Confl ict An expressed struggle between at least two people who perceive the situation diff erently and are experiencing interference from the other person in achieving their goals. Confl icting Stimuli Th ings that are in confl ict with your beliefs and values. Conscientiousness One of the “big fi ve” dimensions of personality: ranges from well-organized, careful, responsible at one end to disorganized, careless, unscrupulous at the other. Consequences Th e results of your behavior— positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, or punishment. Consummate Love Commitment, intimacy, and passion. Cooperativeness Th e degree to which one is concerned about maintaining the relationship or satisfying the concern of others in confl ict resolution.

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Coping Refers to active eff orts, either positive or negative, to master, reduce, or tolerate the demands created by problems and/or stress. Cultural Display Rules (in emotions) Norms about when, where, and how much individuals from diff erent cultures should show emotions. Daily Hassles Irritating and frustrating incidents that occur in our everyday transactions with the environment. Debilitative Emotions Emotions that prevent a person from functioning eff ectively. Decoding Th e process in which a receiver attaches meaning to a message. Defense Mechanisms Behavior patterns used to protect one’s feelings of self-esteem and self-respect. Delight Th e earliest pleasant reaction (emotion), appearing in the form of smiling, gurgling, and other babyish sounds of joy. Denial A defense used when we refuse to recognize or acknowledge a threatening situation. Desensitization Method of behavioral modifi – cation whereby the individual’s fear of an object or person is replaced by relaxation. Displacement A defense used when the person redirects strong feelings from one person or object to another that seems more acceptable and less threatening. Distress Negative or harmful stress that causes a person to constantly readjust or adapt. Divorce A complete, legal breaking up of a marriage. Domination An aggressive technique of resolving confl ict, characterized by moving against another with the intent to hurt. Door Openers Short responses inviting the other person to share his/her ideas, judgments, or feelings. Double Bind in Communication A situation in which the nonverbal message contradicts the verbal message. Drive An internal tension or force that pushes (motivates) us to satisfy a need. Ego Th e rational, logical, and realistic part of the personality that attempts to maintain balance between the id and superego. Emotional Attachments Feelings that there is someone around to take care of us or help us out. Emotional Debt A condition of imbalance in which feelings are trapped instead of expressed.

Emotional Intelligence Th e ability to monitor, access, express, and regulate one’s own emotions; the capacity to identify, interpret, and understand others’ emotions; and the ability to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions. Emotion-packed Phrases Phrases when combined with diff erent mood levels that can cause an individual to verbally react in inappropriate ways. Emotions Feelings that are experienced. Empathetic Listening Th e fi ft h level, known as the highest form of listening to others; listening with the intent to understand. (See active listening and the understanding response.) Empathy An active process in which you try to learn all you can about another person rather than having only a superfi cial awareness. Empty Love A form of love that includes commitment, but no intimacy or passion. Encoding Th e process of putting thoughts into symbols—most commonly words. Envy Th e thoughts and feelings that arise when our personal qualities, possessions, or achievements do not measure up to those of someone relevant to us. Esteem Needs Th e need to feel worthwhile, which is oft en satisfi ed by maintaining a healthy self-image, through status, prestige, a good reputation, or titles; also referred to as one of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Ethics Our standards of conduct or behavior. Eustress Good stress or short-term stress that strengthens individuals for immediate physical activity, creativity, and enthusiasm. Exhaustion Stage In a three-stage reaction to stress, the stage in which continuous stress will not enable the important resistance step to take place, and an individual will go from step one, alarm, directly to step three, exhaustion. Expectations Th e perceived possibilities of achieving a goal. Explanatory Style Th e story you construct about why things happen. Exposure Effect A phenomenon which states the more we are exposed to novel stimuli, a new person, or a new product, our liking for such stimuli increases. External Locus of Control A characteristic of individuals who see their lives as being beyond their control; they believe what happens to them is determined by external forces—whether it be luck or fate, or other people.

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External Noise Includes such elements in the physical environment as temperature, a show on television, music on a stereo, loud traffi c, or any other external event or distracting infl uences. Extraversion One of the “big fi ve” dimensions of personality: ranges from sociable, talkative, fun-loving at one end to sober, reserved, cautious at the other. Extraversion (E) or Introversion (I) A prefer- ence on the MBTI covering how you get energized as a person. Facilitative Emotions Emotions that contribute to eff ective functioning. Fatuous Love Commitment and passion, but no intimacy. Fear Th e feeling associated with expectancies of unpleasantness. Feedback Th e process by which the sender clarifi es how his or her message is being received and interpreted. First Impressions One of the factors that seems to infl uence our social perceptions. (See Social Perceptions.) Flow (Living in a state of) Being totally absorbed in an activity, whether at work or play, with a sense of mastery, and the use of all or most of one’s skills. Forgiveness A healing process involving six stages, whereby painful past experiences are put into perspective and one gets on with life, unencumbered by excess emotional baggage. Friend A person attached to another by respect or aff ection. Full Value A value that meets all of the criteria that have been established by Value Clarifi cation theorists. Game-Playing Love Treating love like a game or sport. Gay/Lesbian Relationships Homosexual relationships. General Adaptation Syndrome Th e stages of chain of reactions to stress. Generativity vs. Self-Absorption Erikson’s psychosocial crisis at the seventh stage of the human life cycle; confl ict between concern for others and concern for self. Genuineness Th is means being honest and open about one’s feelings, needs, and ideas—being what one really is without front or facade.

Goals An aim or purpose—a plan. Good Grief Th e process of working through the stages of grief so that it becomes a positive growth experience. Grief and Bereavement To be deprived of someone or something very important; sometimes referred to as mourning. Grief-Work Th e process of freeing ourselves emotionally from the deceased and readjusting to life without that person. Guilt Th e realization of sorrow over having done something morally, socially, or ethically wrong. Happiness A sense that life is good—a state of well-being that outlasts yesterday’s moment of elation, today’s buoyant mood, or tomorrow’s feeling of sadness. Hardiness A cluster of characteristics that seem to distinguish stress-resistant people from those who are more susceptible to its harmful eff ects. Th ese characteristics are commitment, control, and challenge. Hate May be thought of as intense anger felt toward a specifi c person or persons. Hearing Th e physiological sensory process by which auditory sensations are received by the ears and transmitted by the brain. Hidden Agenda Entering a conversation or situation with a special interest in mind, a grudge that we are wanting to bring into the open, or even a “chip on our shoulder.” Hidden Self of Johari Window Information and personal feelings that you keep hidden from others. High-Context Culture Th ose cultures which value self-restraint, avoid confrontation, rely heavily on nonverbal systems, and give a great deal of meaning to the relationships between communicators. Examples are the Japanese, Chinese, Asian, and Latin American cultures. Honeymoon Period Anytime from the wedding day to a year or so from that day. Hostility A mild form of anger/hate directed to a specifi c person or group. Hyperstress An overload that occurs when stressful events pile up and stretch the limits of a person’s adaptability. Hypostress An overload that occurs when a person is bored, lacking stimulation, or unchallenged.

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“I” Message A message that describes the speaker’s position without evaluating others. Id Th e part of the personality composed of the basic biological drives that motivate an individual. Identity vs. Role Confusion Erikson’s psycho- social crisis at the fi ft h stage of the human life cycle, in which the 12- to 18-year-old adolescent must integrate his experiences to develop a sense of ego identity. Ignoring while Listening One of the four levels of general listening, better known as not really listening at all. Immune System Th e body’s defense and surveillance network of cells and chemicals that fi ght off bacteria, viruses, and other foreign or toxic substances. Impression Management Our conscious eff orts to present ourselves in socially desirable ways. Individualism Putting personal goals ahead of group goals and defi ning one’s identity in terms of personal attributes rather than group memberships. Individuation Th e establishment of one’s identity, based on experiences, rather than following parent’s dreams. Industry vs. Inferiority Erikson’s psychosocial crisis at the fourth stage of the human life cycle; the 6- to 11-year-old whose curiosity is encouraged devel- ops a sense of industry, as opposed to the child whose curiosity is disparaged and who develops a sense of inferiority. Infatuation An irrational feeling or passion for someone or something. Passion, but no commitment or intimacy. Inferiority Complex A concept that under- lies and motivates a great deal of human behavior. A striving for superiority is a universal drive to adapt, improve oneself, and master life’s challenges. In-group—Out-group Bias Refers to our tendency to perceive people diff erently depending on whether they are members of our in-group or out-group. Initial Response Level Every response of the targeted behavior that occurs within a specifi c period of time prior to conditioning. Initiative vs. Guilt Erikson’s psychosocial crisis at the third stage of the human life cycle; the 4- or 5-year-old either is encouraged to go out on his own or is restricted in his activities. Integrity Th is is exhibited when you achieve congruence between what you know, what you say, and what you do.

Integrity vs. Despair Erikson’s psychosocial crisis at the eighth stage of the human life cycle; a response that depends on how an old person remembers his life. Intense Emotions Emotions that are debilitative— they disrupt our overall functioning. Interactional Possibilities Considering the situation and the possible options before making a response. Internal Locus of Control Th e state in which individuals who feel that what happens to them and what they achieve in life is due to their own abilities, attitudes, and actions. Internal Noise Includes such things as a headache, lack of sleep, daydreaming, preoccupation with other problems, or even a preconceived idea that the message is going to be unimportant or uninteresting. Internal Psychological Filter A fi lter through which all information received is processed. Th is fi lter consists of prejudices, past experiences, hopes, and anxieties. Interpersonal Relations Our interactions with others—how they relate to us and how we relate to them. Interpretative Response A response in which the receiver tries to tell the sender what his or her problem really is and how the sender really feels about the situation. Intimacy Th e feeling that one can share all of one’s thoughts and actions with another. Intimacy vs. Isolation Erikson’s psychosocial crisis at the sixth stage of the human life cycle; the young adult either is able to relate to others or feels isolated. Intimate Distance One of Hall’s four distance zones, ranging from skin contact to 18 inches. Irrational Beliefs Beliefs that result in inappro- priate emotions and behaviors. Jealousy Th e state of demanding complete devotion from another person; being suspicious of a rival or of one believed to enjoy an advantage. Johari Window A model that describes the relationship between self-disclosure and self-awareness. Judging Response A response that shows that the receiver is making a judgment about the motive, personality, or reasoning of the sender. Judgment (J) or Perception (P) A preference on the MBTI covering the kind of lifestyle you prefer to live.

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Kinesics Th e science of study of nonverbal communication. Law of Effect Behaviors followed by possible consequences are more likely to be repeated and behaviors followed by negative consequences are less likely to be repeated. Learned Helplessness Th e assumption—based on past failures—that one is unable to do anything to improve one’s performance or situation and gives-up. Learning A relatively permanent change in behavior as a result of experience or practice. Liking A fondness or preference for someone or something. Intimacy, but no commitment or passion. Listening An intellectual and emotional process that integrates physical, emotional, and intellectual inputs in a search for meaning and understanding. Listening with the Third Ear Listening to what is said between the lines and without words, what is expressed soundlessly, and what the speaker feels and thinks. Living Together Loneliness (LTL) Th e results of a discrepancy between expected and achieved contact. Loneliness A feeling of longing and emptiness, which is caused by the lack of emotional attachments and/or social ties. Lose-Lose An approach to confl ict resolution whereby neither party is happy with the outcome. Lose-Win Th e result of the accommodating strategy in confl ict resolution, with low concern for self and a high concern for others. Love When the satisfaction, security, and development of another person is as important to you as your own satisfaction, security, and development (Harry Stack Sullivan); also referred to as the desire to see another individual become all they can be as a person—with room to breathe and grow. Love and Belonging Needs Th e need to feel loved, included, and accepted; this need usually assumes importance aft er the safety and survival needs have been met; also referred to as one of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Low-Context Culture Th ose cultures which use more explicit language, are more direct in their mean- ings, rely less on nonverbal systems, and stress goals and outcomes more than relationships. Examples are the German, Swedish, American, and English cultures. Lust An intense physiological attraction for another person.

Marriage A close union of two people who decide to share their lives, dreams, and goals with each other. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Th e arrange- ment of needs in order of basic importance as established by Abraham Maslow: physiological needs, safety needs, belongingness and love needs, esteem needs, and self-actualization needs. Matching Hypothesis A concept that proposes that people of similar levels of physical attractiveness gravitate toward each other. Mere-Exposure Effect Th e more familiar we become with someone or something the more accepting we will become. Midlife Crisis Occurring somewhere between the ages of 40 and 45; may be characterized by a painful and disruptive struggle with one’s identity and satisfaction of personal needs. Midlife Transition Stage One of Levinson’s developmental stages occurring between the ages of 40 and 45; characterized as the period when individu- als realize their life is half over and they reevaluate their life and what they want out of the remainder of their life. Mild Emotions Emotions that are facilitative— they assist us in preparing for the future, solving problems, and in doing what is best for us. Minimal Encourages Brief indicators to the speaker indicating that the receiver is still listening. Mixed Emotions Emotions that are combina- tions of primary emotions. Some mixed emotions can be expressed in single words (that is awe, remorse), whereas others require more than one term (that is, embarrassed and angry, relieved and grateful). Modeling Imitating a behavior one observes. Monochronic Cultures Cultures in which time is organized sequentially; schedules and deadlines are valued over people. Moods A general feeling tone. Move Against Being aggressive and responding to confl icting situations with the intent to hurt. Moving Toward Responding to confl icting situations by moving toward your opposition until you are either closer together or on the same side. Mutual Reward Theory (MRT) States that a relationship between two people is enhanced when there is a satisfactory balance of rewards between them.

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Myers Briggs Type Indicator A questionnaire consisting of 16 basic personality types and four dimensions. Narcissism Th e tendency to regard oneself as grandiosely self-important. Need A condition that exists when we are deprived of something we want or require. Negative Reinforcement Anything that increases a behavior by virtue of its termination or avoidance. Neurotic Anxiety Anxiety experienced when the quality of the threatening experience is blown out of proportion to the actual danger posed, and to the point that the anxiety hinders daily functioning. Neuroticism One of the “big fi ve” dimensions of personality: ranges from calm, secure and self-satisfi ed at one end to anxious, insecure, self-pitying at the other. Neutral Stimulus (NS) Classical conditioning begins with a stimulus that does not elicit a response. Th e neutral stimulus will eventually become the conditioned stimulus (CS). Nonverbal Communication Messages expressed by other than linguistic means. Novel Stimuli People, places, or things that are new, diff erent, unique, or original. Observational Learning Learning that occurs when an individual’s behavior is infl uenced by the observation of others—modeling. One-Way Communication Communication in which a receiver provides no feedback to a sender. Open Self of Johari Window An area that represents information, feelings, and opinions that you know about yourself and that others know about you. Open Communicator One who is willing to seek feedback from others and to off er information and personal feelings to others. Openness Trust and mutual sharing of informa- tion and feelings. Openness Trait One of the “big fi ve” dimensions of personality: ranges from imaginative, sensitive, intellectual, at one end to down-to-earth, insensitive, crude at the other end. Open Questions Questions that provide space for the speaker to explore his or her thoughts. Operant Conditioning Conditioning based on the principle of reinforcement; the consequences of a response determine whether that response will persist.

Operant Level Th e number of responses prior to conditioning or baseline of behavior prior to conditioning. Optimism A general tendency to envision the future as favorable. Optimistic Explanatory Style Using external, unstable, and specifi c explanations for negative events. Paralinguistics Nonlinguistic means of vocal expression: tone, rate, pitch, and so on. Paraphrase Stating the essence of the other person’s spoken words in your own words. Parenthood Th e role of being a mother or father. Parroting To repeat exactly the speaker’s words. Partial Lose-Lose Th e result of the compromis- ing strategy in confl ict resolution, where nobody gets all that he or she wants, but everyone gets something. Parts of a Communication Transaction Six steps commonly referred to as the idea, encoding, transmission, receiving, decoding, and understanding. Passion An intense physiological desire for another person. Passive Avoiding or removing yourself from the confl icting situation by leaving, shutting up, placating, concealing your feelings, or postponing a confronta- tion until a better time. Passive Listening See One-Way Communication. People Perception Th e study of how we form impressions of others. Perceptual Awareness Process Th e means by which we interpret or misinterpret the world around us. Personal Distance One of Hall’s four distance zones, ranging from 18 inches to 4 feet. Personality Ethic A style of living based on hav- ing the right image and doing the right things, defi ned by the right kind of special techniques and a positive mental attitude. Personality Fit Th e process of being attracted to another person because the diff erences in one person’s strengths compensate for the other person’s weaknesses. Personal Self-Image Th e part of the self that includes physical, behavioral, and psychological characteristics that establish uniqueness. Pessimism A general tendency to envision the future as unfavorable.

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Pessimistic Explanatory Style Using internal, stable, and global explanations for negative events. Physical Attractiveness Our perception of the beauty of another person. Physiological Needs Our most basic and fundamental needs, such as food, water, sleep, clean air to breathe, exercise, and sex; also called our primary or survival needs; also referred to as one of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Pillow Method A technique used to gain empathy and understanding of another’s position and frame of reference when disagreements exist. Polychronic Cultures Cultures in which time is organized horizontally; people tend to do several things at once and value relationships over schedules. Positive Reinforcement Anything that increases a behavior by virtue of its presentation. Pot of Self-Worth Virginia Satir’s view of how much self-worth we have at any given time; the amount in the pot is constantly changing based on the diff erent experiences we have, as well as the feedback we get from others. Prejudices A preconceived opinion, feeling, or attitude, either positive or negative, which is formed without adequate information. Preparation Anxiety Anxiety that helps individuals get energized to deliver their best, such as mild tension before going for a job interview. Pretending while Listening One of the four levels of normal listening. Some examples are “Yeah. Uh-huh. Right.” Primacy Effect Occurs when the fi rst impression carries more weight than subsequent information. Primary Emotions Basic emotions identifi ed by R. Pluchick as joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation; identifi ed by Gary Emery and James Campbell as mad, sad, glad, and scared. Primary Reinforcer A reinforcer to which we respond automatically, without learning (food, drink, heat, cold, pain, physical comfort or discomfort). Prizing Cherishing and being happy with the choice (value), as well as being willing to affi rm the choice (value) publicly. Projection A defense mechanism used when an individual attributes their own feelings, shortcomings, or unacceptable impulses to others. Proximity Geographical nearness, location.

Psychological Reactance Th e tendency to protect or restore one’s sense of freedom or social control, oft en by doing the opposite of what has been demanded. Public Distance One of Hall’s four distance zones, ranging outward from 12 feet. Punishment Anything that decreases a behavior by virtue of its presentation. Questioning Response A response that indicates that the receiver wants to probe the sender for additional information and to discuss the issue further. Rage Uncontrolled, intense anger and implies that the anger is expressed through violent physical activity. Rational Beliefs Beliefs that result in appropriate emotions and behaviors. Rationalization A defense mechanism consisting of reasonable, rational, and convincing explanations, but not real reasons. Reacting to Others A situation in which the emotional, feeling, and irrational characteristics of a person are communicated. Reaction Formation A defense mechanism in which impulses are not only repressed, they are also controlled by emphasizing the opposite behavior. Real Self Th e person you really are, not who you think you are; a situation in which the belief system is accurate, rather than distorted. Reciprocal Determinism Th e interacting infl uences between, person, behavior, and environment. Reciprocity Th e tendency to like individuals who tend to like us. Regression A defense used when we psychologi- cally retreat to a form of behavior characteristic of an earlier stage of development. Reinforcement Th e eff ect of applying reinforcers. Reinforcers Pleasant or unpleasant stimuli that strengthen behavior. Remarriage Marrying for the second, third, or subsequent time. Repression A defense mechanism consisting of the exclusion of painful, unwanted, or dangerous thoughts and impulses from the conscious mind. Repulsion Hypothesis People are initially, spontaneously repulsed by strangers who are very dissimilar to themselves.

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Resentment Chronic anger resulting from unresolved anger at an injustice. Resistance Stage Th e period of recovery and stabilization, during which the individual adapts to the stress. Responding Refl ectively Paraphrasing the essence of the speaker’s content and mirroring back to the speaker the emotions which he/she is communicating. Responding to Others A situation in which the rational, thinking, logical part of a person is communicated. Risk To reach for something you are not entirely sure of but believe is better than what you now have, or is at least necessary to survive (David Viscott). Role Confusion An uncertainty experienced by individuals during the ages of 12 and 18 about who they are and where they are going. Role Expectations Beliefs about a man and woman’s roles in marriage. Romantic Love A form of love that includes intimacy and passion, but no commitment. Romeo and Juliet Effect Same as psychology reactance—when love is intensifi ed, not weakened, by their families opposition. Safety and Security Needs Th e need to protect oneself from danger and to keep safe from harm; on a psychological level, safety needs might relate to safety and security, such as fi nding and keeping a job; also referred to as one of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Search for Meaning Viktor Frankl’s idea that our task in life is to create a life that has meaning and purpose. Secondary Reinforcers Stimuli to which we have attached positive or negative value through association with previously learned conditioned reinforcers. Selective Listening One of the four levels of normal listening, known as hearing only certain parts of the conversation. Self-Actualization Th e fulfi llment of one’s own completely unique potential. Self-Actualization Needs Th e need for self-fulfi llment; the need to become all that one is capable of becoming; also referred to as one of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Self-Awareness Th e capability to refl ect and decide and become aware of our responsibility for choosing the way we live and thus infl uence our own destiny.

Self-Control A person’s sense of their ability to control their own behavior. Self-Disclosure Th e process of deliberately revealing information about oneself that is signifi cant and that would not normally be known by others. Self-Discovery Th e process of getting to know yourself as a person—the person within yourself. Self-Effi cacy Our belief about our ability to perform behaviors that should lead to expected outcomes. Self-Esteem An overall evaluation of oneself, whether one likes or dislikes who one is, believes in or doubts oneself, and values or belittles one’s worth. Self-Evaluation How you compare yourself with others. Self-Fulfi lling Prophecy A prediction or expectation of an event that makes the outcome more likely to occur than would otherwise have been the case. Self-Image A mental blueprint of how we see ourselves and how we feel about ourselves. Self-Perception How you evaluate your “self ”— physically and psychologically. Self-Serving Bias A person’s tendency to evaluate their own behavior as worthwhile, regardless of the situation. Self-Talk A person’s beliefs or what they say to themselves. Self-Validation Disclosing information with hopes of obtaining the other person’s approval. Self-Worth Virginia Satir’s idea that our individual worth is our perception of what happens between people and inside people. Semantics Th e study of the meaning and changes of meaning in words. Sensing (S) or Intuition (N) A preference on the MBTI covering what you pay attention to when you gather information. Shyness Th e feelings, physical reactions, and thoughts that create a state of anxiety, discomfort, and inhibition. Signifi cant Others Th e important people in our lives. Signifi cant Stimuli Anything directly related to another person’s needs, wants, interests, and desires. Similarity Th e process of selecting friends because of comparable interests, income level, educational beliefs, and so on. Singlehood Th e decision not to marry.

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Situational Shyness Specifi c environmental circumstances that develop feelings, physical reactions, and thoughts that create a state of anxiety, discomfort, and inhibition. Social Comparison How a person evaluates themselves in relation to others. Social Control Revealing personal informa- tion may increase your control over other people and sometimes over the situation. Social Distance One of Hall’s four distance zones, ranging from 4 to 12 feet. Social Exchange Theory We measure our actions and relationships on a cost-benefi t basis. People maximize their rewards and minimized their costs by employing their resources to gain the most favorable outcome. Social Learning Theory Th e theory that suggests that personality development occurs through observational learning. Social Perception Th e way we perceive, evaluate, categorize, and form judgments about the qualities of people we encounter. Social Ties Th e feeling that we are part of a group or have an identity. Spranger’s Value Systems Relates to six diff erent types of people based on their types of value systems, or their frameworks for developing their own beliefs. Stages of Psychosocial Development Eight stages of Erikson’s human life cycle; the stages are trust versus mistrust, autonomy versus doubt, initiative versus guilt, industry versus inferiority, identity versus role confusion, intimacy versus isolation, generativity versus self-absorption, and integrity versus despair. Stepfamilies Remarriages involving children from one or both spouses. Stereotyping A process of making generalizations by categorizing an object, person, or situation. Stress Th e nonspecifi c response of the body to any demand placed on it, whether that demand be real, imagined, pleasant, or unpleasant. Stressor A stressful event. Sublimation A defense whereby an individual redirects their basic desires toward a socially-valued activity. Success Th e outcome of setting a goal and achieving that goal, whatever that goal may be.

Superego Th e part of the personality that consists of our values, morals, religious beliefs, and ideals of our parents and society; sometimes referred to as our conscience. Supportive Response A response that shows the receiver’s intent is to reassure, comfort, or minimize the intense feelings of the sender. Suppression A defense mechanism in which people are conscious of their emotions, but deliber- ately control rather than express them. Symbols in Communication Such things as the selection of words, tone and pitch of voice, nonverbal method, or even types of supportive materials. Sympathy An involuntary feeling—the passive experience of sharing another person’s fear, grief, anger or joy. Target Behavior Th e goal you have set for yourself—your behavioral goal. The Aesthetic Person Beauty, form, and harmony are most important to this type of individual. The Economic Person Personal needs, produc- tion, marketing, credit, and wealth are more important to this type of person than are social or artistic values. The Political Animal Th is type of person is very power motivated, with values centered on infl uence, fame, and power. The Religious Person To this individual, the highest value is unity; he or she tries to understand the universe as a whole and relates to it meaningfully. The Social Person Th is person values and loves other people, with kindness and unselfi shness as very important values. The Theoretical Person Th is individual seeks to discover truth and observes happenings and thinks them through, trying whenever possible to put ideas into a system. Thinking (T) or Feeling (F) A preference on the MBTI covering how you make decisions. Thought Stopping Concentrating on the unwanted thoughts and, aft er a short time, suddenly stopping and emptying the mind of all stressful thoughts. Time Waster Anything preventing you from achieving your objectives most eff ectively. Trait A relatively stable and consistent personal characteristics. Trust vs. Mistrust Erikson’s psychosocial crisis at the fi rst stage of the human life cycle; the subsequent

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response of a person to the way he is treated as an infant. Two-Way Communication An exchange of information in which the receiver deliberately provides feedback to a sender. Type A Behavioral Pattern A behavioral pattern characterizing individuals who live a competi- tive, aggressive, ambitious, and stressful lifestyle. Type B Behavioral Pattern A behavior pattern characterizing individuals who live a more relaxed and less hurried lifestyle. “You” Messages Messages creating a feeling of blame and accusation. Unconditional Positive Regard Th e situation in which love is given freely and does not depend on any specifi c aspects of behavior. Unconditioned Response (UCR) An unlearned reaction to an unconditioned stimulus that occurs without previous conditioning. Unconditioned Stimulus (UCS) A stimulus that evokes an unconditioned response without previous conditioning. Understanding Response Th is response indi- cates that the receiver is seeking to fully understand what the sender is actually saying. Th is is the most

eff ective way of responding to others and requires the skills of active listening, sometimes referred to as empathetic listening. (See active listening and empathetic listening). Unknown Self of Johari Window Informa- tion about you that is unknown to self or others. Value Th e personal worth placed on an object, thought, or idea. Value Clarifi cation A process that helps people distinguish between full values and partial values. Value Indicators Partial values, such as desires, thoughts not acted on, opinions, interests, aspira- tions, goals, and so on, that are in the process of being formed. Value System Th e personal blueprint or guidelines for one’s life, based upon one’s values. Verbal Communication Th e expression of words; language. Win-Lose An approach to confl ict resolution whereby one person gets his or her way, and the other does not. Win-Win An approach to confl ict resolution whereby confl icts are resolved with no one winning and no one losing. Both win because the solution must be acceptable to both.

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